Tuesday, January 31, 2006

Clarence Thomas

Please, for the love of all that is holy, someone tell me they just saw Clarence Thomas licking his lips as Condoleeza Rice walked by at the State of the Union. I swear it happened and it's not mentioned on Wonkette's play by play. Wouldn't you just err on the side of not licking your lips when she walked by if you were CT? And yes, that photo is after the lick and on Fox News. I just got done watching American Idol and had not yet popped in the movie I rented to avoid watching the SotU: 40 Year Old Virgin. Oh what Clarence Thomas would do with a 40 Year Old Virgin!!

Shepherd Nails

This is even more wrong than my Jesus/Bird/Dan photoshop job. Holy Mary of Sweet Divinity, this is sacrilegious. "Amazing Holding Power".

priceless. Thanks to my main man, Jet, for the photo. It also led to the following scrapbook exchange on orkut, pretty much confirming my spot in Hell:

Dan: Holy crap, check this photo out.

Will: Holy crap is right: Jesus looks just like Jeff Foxworthy!

Dan: if you're a carpenter who hangs out with fishermen and are always trying to multiply your booze ... you might be a redneck.

Will: New Scholarship Reveals Actual Last Words Of Jesus

In a dramatic reversal of long-held Biblical tradition, scholars at Busch University in East Jesus, Tennessee revealed yesterday that that last words of Jesus Christ before he ascended the Cross were not "Forgive them, Father, for they know not what they do." Instead, claims the Right Reverend Dr. Bubba Rainbow, Jesus coined the now-famous phrase, "Hey, y'all, watch this!"

Dan: The Roman soldiers struggled as they tried to push up the cross of the freshly crucified jew king, his blood and tears drizzling down upon them. They struggled physically; they struggled emotionally. What if he really was the son of God? And even if he wasn’t, was this really a fate befitting a docile, deluded, madman? And Christ was he heavy.

But then, a raspy voice absolved them and gave them the strength they needed to finish a fate that was much larger than all of them. “Get ‘er done”, whispered Jesus.

Will: The angel said to the women, "Do not be afraid, for I know that you are looking for Jesus, who was crucified. He is not here; he has risen, just as he said. Come and see the place where he lay. Then go quickly and tell his disciples: 'He has risen from the dead and is going ahead of you into Galilee. There you will see him.' Now I have told you."

So the women hurried away from the tomb, afraid yet filled with joy, and ran to tell his disciples. Suddenly Jesus met them. "Goddamn, my fuckin' head." he said. They came to him, clasped his feet and worshiped him. Then Jesus said to them, "Git the hell off my damn feet! And tell them kids ta knock off all that shittin' noise, I'm tryin' ta sleep!"

Dan: To the doubting Thomas, Jesus challenged, “You calling me a fucking liar? I’m fittin’ to show you something. No, no, he said it. Sit yer ass down, Paul. He said it. Come here smart guy. Put your finger in my hand. Put it in there. Put your hand in my side. No, hey, listen, no, don’t touch my beer. I’m perfectly sober. I’m just teaching this book-learnin sumbitch a lesson. Put your hand in my side, Tommy Boy. Yeah. That’s what I thought. What’s up now. Don’t you ever doubt me. Who’s your Daddy? That’s right. God’s your Daddy? And who’s God? That’s right. Me. Well, sort of. In that Trinity sense. But seriously, just listen to me. I love you, man. Not like them queers. Like your Daddy. Well … not like your daddy. We all know how your daddy loves you!! Am I right, Paul? Ah, shit. That’s good stuff. Seriously though, brutha. Just listen to me when I tell you something.”

Thomas high fived Jesus and they shared a Busch Light Draft.

Super Week

Welcome to Super Week, the sports world's 7 day answer to the entertainment industry's pre-awards-shows red carpet extravaganza. Today is Media Day, when all the players, coaches, and reporters perform media fellatio on eachother. Other things to keep an eye on this week, will be the Vegas odds on which player will be the first to get arrested for solicitation, possession, and/or who will freak out and take off for Tijuana. (Bengals wide receiver, Chris Henry, got arrested for pulling a gun on some club kids this weekend, but that doesn't count.) Also prepare to hear 7 or 8 thousand stories about how Jerome Bettis is originally from Detroit. There will be clever blog diaries by pop culture writers. And in depth analysis from Die Hard Steeler fans. "Terry Bradshaw rules!!!!!1!!" For the host town's perspective, check in with DetroitWonk. And of course, there's always my favorite sports blog and source of most of my sports links: Deadspin. Check Deadspin's latest post, which gives us a peek into the life of Steelers QB, Big Ben Roethlisberger:

Settle down, Ben "Drink Like A Champion Today" Roethlisberger. Big game coming up this week.

postscript - without question, the most irritating development in sports is every player's insistence on their having been disrespected. This is hardly an original observation, but it is annoying enough that it warrants repeating. It's also not exactly new; it's probably as old as the need to motivate oneself and one's team for competition. But nowadays, it's like every single player on every team is claiming disrespect. Is there not a single player we respect? Not even Tom Brady? Anyways, nothing new here, I'm just sorry to hear my Steelers doing the same thing all day today. Just so you know, fellas, everyone is picking you. Everyone. So spare us.

Saturday, January 28, 2006

No Mo MoJo

To be filed under both another Central Square (ish) institution bites the dust and another used record store bites the dust: MoJo Music on Mass Ave is apparently going out of business. It's sad to see the character drain out of a neighborhood like Central Square and the surrounding area. In the last 5 years, chains such as The Gap, Walgreens, 7-11, Super Cuts, Foot Locker, and Boston Sports Club have moved into prominent properties on Mass Ave. Ack. It's also sad to see used record stores, true nuggets of our culture, disappear. As online transactions and digital music storage become the norm, stores like Mojo Music are going to continue to close. Now, I would hardly describe myself as a regular customer (I only go in a handful of times a year), but I love the fact that MoJo exists and I love walking by it every day. And I'm not looking forward to the Sunglasses Hut that's probably going to replace it. Any of you VTK readers in the Boston area should pop in there and buy some 1/2 priced music. I just picked up 3 cds for $13: Meet John Doe, Screaming Fields of Sonic Love by Sonic Youth, and Music For Airports by Brian Eno. Listening to the John Doe right now. Fond memories of the Butter Pub back in the Northampton days (or daze).

In other music news, Jazzy McGee continues to do his thing upstairs. Fucking asshole. Yesterday, the bass fired up at 7:45 AM. Granted, I was lying in bed, hitting my snooze button longer than I should have been and I needed to get up, but fuck you McGee. I was really fired up about it all day yesterday. I was planning on going to war. This morning I was actually standing in the hardware store looking at shelf supports so that I could construct a shelf right underneath my ceiling on which I was going to place a sub woofer to be used in focused sonic attacks on this asshole. But then I had a minor moment of clarity and realized that I was about to take a major step into negativity. and the last thing I need is more negativity. I would be allowing him to transform my music into a weapon. So, fuck it. It's not a war I could win anyways. He'll get his some day (I'm probably getting mine right now for my noisy youth).

Wednesday, January 25, 2006

so so so wrong

well, obviously, this is just so so wrong. That I turn 33 today, The Jesus Year, The Larry Bird Year, is no excuse. One should simply not photoshop one's face and Larry Bird's uniform on the Messiah. There must be rules. And yet, there it is. Apologies to Pieter Pieterszoon Lastman (16/17th century Dutch painter), Larry Bird, the Fidelity Investments XMas party photographer, Christ, and all their families. You all deserve better.

Diamond Dave, Douchebag

In keeping with the Van Halen references, I give you the latest dish on that daft douchebag, Diamond Dave, David Lee Roth. Gawker directs us to the Lowdown from The Daily News, where they report on the *rocky* start to Davey's Radio Show. Stern may be an ass, but at least the man cares about his craft. This jerk's just trying to get fired so he can collect unemployment ...

*cricket chirping*

*tumbleweed rolling by*

*cricket catching a ride on tumbleweed out of awkwardtown*

... speeeeeaking of which, I'm pretty sure I successfully tanked my first go-through-the-motions job interview today. It was very strange to try to pretend that you're in a serious interview and at the same time deliberately sabotage yourself. There was a funny moment when the woman was beating around the bush about how I was in no way qualified to get the job and get paid this much money and I was beating around the bush about how I in no way was interested in her giving me the job and then I think she got it and we smiled and had a very cordial goodbye. One more interview tomorrow - scratch that - later today. If I can successfully not get that job, then it should be smooth sailing. What a way to spend your birthday though - at a job fair, trying not to get a job. Fortunately, we'll be washing that taste out of my mouth with some cheap beer and live music tonight at the Abbey Lounge to rock the Jesus/Larry Bird year in right. Any of you Von Trapper Keepers in the area, please stop by.

Farewell, Led Zeppelin Babe I'm Going To Leave You year (32 babe or babe derivatives in the song). You were good to me. I hope I was good to you.

Monday, January 23, 2006

Steel City Sandwich

As days go, this was a good one. We threw down on the shoot of the shopping cart skit, which went off without a hitch behind Kappy's Liquors et. al. The flying dropkick was six years in the making and supremely satisfying. Also, my favorite football team, the Pittsburgh Steelers (maybe you've heard of them?) are going to the Super Bowl in Detroit Rock City, home of my mother, on the tails of today's total domination in the AFC Championship Game. Also, I have tomorrow off, so the beer did flow. But all this was a primer for my raison d'wakinguptoday: my introduction to one of the greatest sandwiches in the history of stuff placed in between other stuff. There were two Pittsburgh natives in house today and, well, let's just say they "brought it". Sheesh. Where to start? I guess we'll start with the french fries. Now I know what you're thinking: a good batch of fries goes well with a sandwich. I would agree. But today's fries were in the sandwich. In it. In it with the Italian sausage patty, with the provolone cheese, with the sweet cabbage. Four delectible, heart attack inviting, ingredients, "sandwiched", if you will, and I trust you will, as I did, and you will, .. sandwiched between two positively delightful slices of fresh french bread. Enough to make you forget that the Steelers are going to the Super Bowl.. Except for the fact that the Steelers are going to the fucking Super Bowl!!! and great sandwiches abound in the US of A. They can have Alito. I'll take the sandwiches.

go steelers.

Thursday, January 19, 2006

Creature Misteriose

Odd Stuff: We begin this week's Hot Topics Roundup with a look at something ... well I guess the name says it all: Creature Misteriose. This is why I love Google Image searches. I was looking for an image of Alito from the Senate Hearings and I came across this beauty. I swear. Try it yourself. Google "alito" and click the Images button. Now I don't speaka the i taliano, but I do makeita nice. because I'm so skinny. I should eat something. But seriously, all Italian stereotypes aside, I'm betting that our boy Giancarlo Magalli still lives with his parents ... as them I-Tals are wont to do!! ...

Music: I think "indie rock" has officially gone the way of "alternative rock". Earlier this week, "Love Monkey", a singles drama about hipsters learning about love in the music industry, debuted. Starring Jason Priestly. And tonight I saw Seth Green's new sitcom, in which a girl asked him if he wanted to check out an "underground band", "The Arcade Fire". So gratuitous. So so gratuitous (see VTK gratuitous reference). They're still a great band ... I guess.

Employment Update: Sheesh, it ain't easy losing your job. I got the official letter from the Fido, detailing the timeline. The Open House, where I have to not get a job, is on my birthday. Naturally. I'm entering the Jesus year with a con job. Got. to. love it. Also, it's not the high school community center walk around and look at different booths deal. I actually have to apply for a couple jobs and go to interviews at the Open House. This is where it gets tricky. So I've drawn up an elaborate personal employment mission statement to cover my ass, I've prepared a blase resume, and I'm applying to two jobs that I really don't think (and really hope I don't) have any shot at. I haven't decided whether to shave or not. Oh, and the stakes just got a little higher. If I can manage to not get a job, I'm officially transitioned into an internal/external search period for 60 days, and if I haven't found a job at the end of it, then I get the severance package. keyword: "external". If I play this right, I essentially have two months of not coming into work, before the official 10 week package kicks in. It's like playing chess, when you've got the checkmate all lined up, you just have to be careful not to let them get the stalemate (another hubris moment?).

Spahts: It's all about the Steelers right now. And until I see a Bronco's site to rival this one, it looks like the babies and puppies are rooting for the Steelers too (with thanks to Deadspin and kdka for the link). The AFC Championship game is on Sunday afternoon and, with the Pats and the Colts out of the way, I think they've got a good shot to get to the Super Bowl. Babies and puppies, people!!

[UPDATE: Now the Creature Misteriose picture is not appearing when I google image "alito". This is misteriose indeed. Could this have something to do with our police state government's attempt to subpoena Google's search records and their refusal to comply? Is Gonzales trying to cover up the truth about Creature Misteriose? Or does it only appear on Macs? Mac/Windows users - check it out for me please. Unless you're chicken. Which is cool. I understand.]

--- Special Bulletin ---

This conversation just in from the 60 year old women who sit a couple cubicles over from me:

Madam A: Well, I’m watching Dancing With The Stars tonight.
Madam B: Oh? Who’s on tonight
Madam A: I like that show. It’s a good show. George Hamilton is on tonight.
Madam B: Oh, ok… He’s a handsome man.
Madam A: Yeah, he still looks good… All tanned up. He takes care of himself.

Sunday, January 15, 2006

New Von Trapper Keeper Image


As "albo" just commented on the Deadspin post about the Steelers' amazing playoff victory over the Colts: "If god's not a steelers fan, then how come urine is yellow?" I haven't gone from celebration to despair to celebration to despair to celebration that much since Dick Cheney's last heart attack! ... yeah, I don't know. In honor of the Steelers' big win, I'm going to break out a poem I wrote in 7th grade:

Sunday by Danny Nolan

Sunday is Black & Blue because that’s when the pros play football.
And when the players go out to play, all the fans just shout hooray!
And when the final is not decided, and all the teams have just
Collided, Len Berman says who has won and we will see who’s number
One. And all the men that got the bruises are on the team that surely loses.

And to Mike Vanderjagt who missed the game tying field goal: couldn't have happened to a bigger asshole. Go to hell, screwbag.

Saturday, January 14, 2006


First of all, I think the last Alito sketch actually looked more like John Sununu, and I don't want to be a "vicious dem" and make Martha cry again by suggesting her husband looks like John Sununu. That's just not cool. So here's an updated sketch. Better, Martha? Yeah? You ok? Yes you are, yes you are a big girl. That's my big girl!

I think there's been enough written all over the World Wide Web about the Alito nomination, so I'll spare you my in-depth analysis (as if you cared). And yes, that's also because I haven't had the time to follow this confirmation hearing as close as the Roberts hearing, so my analysis isn't really as in-depth as it should be. I just want to get the Von Trapper Keeper on record as giving Alito the thumbs down. I reluctantly supported the confirmation of John Roberts, not because I agreed with his judicial philosophy, but because I was satisfied with his respect for precedent to the point where I didn't think he would try to reverse many of the important cases decided in the last 60 years. I also thought that he was a fair swap for Rehnquist, probably even an upgrade. And I knew that if we blew a filibuster on his confirmation, we would be in a much weaker position on the next more important nomination, the nomination to replace the moderate O'Connor. You can probably only get away with one filibuster with the Senate stacked the way it is now and with the public's tolerance for partisan battles what it is.

Alito's answers in the hearings and his record on the federal court are obviously "troubling" to anyone concerned about the legality of abortion, the preservation of civil rights and civil liberties, environmental and endangered species issues, eminent domain, privacy, executive power, and all other progressive issues. His answers about his respect for precedent and stare decisis were pretty similar to Roberts, but I believed Roberts more. Alito looked like he was speaking begrudgingly when declaring his respect for stare decisis. Like he was eating his brussel sprouts to get to his dessert. And Casey was his fucking decision. You know he wants to flip that. And I don't buy his attempts to distance himself from CAP. He put it on an 85 job application. Gimme a break. Do I think a filibuster of this nomination would force Bush to nominate someone more moderate, someone like O'Connor? No. Almost certainly not. But this is the moment that the Dems have been angling for. This is the moment that the War over the Nuclear Option was preparing for. The Democratic side of the Gang of Fourteen agreed to confirm several ultra-conservative judges to federal courts so they could preserve the filibuster for a Supreme Court nomination. This is it. This is the shot. 10 months away from an important mid-term elections, the GOP's credibility is in the toilet, and voters are begging the Democrats to show some backbone, to give them a reason to vote for them. Failure to take advantage of this opportunity to champion progressive ideals could blow an opportunity to gain serious ground in Congress. Let's get vicious! Let's make Martha cry again!

Probably too late though. Why would I ever believe that the Democrats would make a principled stand. And we knew all this was going to happen on November 3, 2004. Would be nice though.

Friday, January 13, 2006

Take this job and SHOVE IT!

"IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII ain't workin here no more. .. You better not try to stand in my way, as I'm a walkin' out that door. Take this job and shove it, I ain't workin' here no more." - David Allen Coe

oh kids. this is it. I got the call. The coup. The scam. The exit strategy. The boss gave me "the good new and the bad news" yesterday. He said "I'm going to have to let you go." I said, "what's the bad news?"

My dad once told his friend, Alpha Philly Joe, that I shit gold. I took that as an insult at the time because he was trying to talk tough to Tough Guy Joe and because I thought he was ignoring my effort in the way in which I've navigated my life. But, now I'm reconsidering. I mean, I was going to quit. I was walking out the goddamn door. [official recognition of the moment of hubris] And then I float the hypothetical. And then I'm gettin' laid off. Fantastic. Apparently, I got moved into the group that is full of middle managers that are in a holding pattern and are going to get the can if they don't apply for a new job and get it. (being called the 76ers because they were listed on page 76 of the ReOrg PowerPoint chart. more like 86ers! Am I right ? Am I right?) There's going to be a job fair and as long as I don't apply for a job, the sever package is a lock. I'm just hoping I can not apply for a job. Obviously, I have no desire to apply for a job, but it's like when that subway car is flying towards you on the crowded platform or when you're zipping down the highway at 80 mph between two semis, and you're like don't do it dont' do it don't do it and of course you don't have any desire to do it, but it's weirdly tempting because of the fact that the smallest of muscular movements could just end it all ... I think I may have wandered off the subject. Point being: so close ... just go to work every day, Dan. don't tell anyone off. let it go. take it easy. you can do this. don't move, Dan, don't move...

Wednesday, January 11, 2006

Me and Jazzy McGee

I'm an old man. It was about a year ago that I realized that I was an old man. I live in an apartment building on Mass Ave, my two room studio (jr. one b.r.?) surrounded by others of identical or slightly larger size. I'd lived there for over a year, amiably with my neighbors, fairly quietly since the kid who thought he was Conor Oberst moved out from next door. I realized how thin the walls and floors were, so I tried to keep the music down and in reasonable time frames. My only transgressions came during beefaroni nights (nights where I'm drunk enough that stopping off at the 7-11 for a can of beefaroni seems like my raison d'etre), and there aren't too too many of those a year.

So, about a year ago some foreign exchange hussy moved in next door and started firing up the dance parties on week nights. Let's just say it was Rainin' Men at top volume at 3:30 in the morning. She even threw a party the night after the Election. I don't know how I didn't kill her that night. Anyways, I just couldn't bring myself to pound on the wall or knock on the door to complain, because I've been the noisy one myself plenty in my life and I couldn't deal with the concept of being the could-you-keep-it-down guy. It was just too lame. too much of an admission that I'd gone to the other side. too old. I'd have to throw away 1/2 of my music out of shame after crossing that threshold. Well, a few parties later, I had no problem becoming That Guy. I knocked and explained that the walls were really thin and I could hear everything they were saying and could they maybe keep it down. The most humble apologetic non-confrontational noise complaint you've ever heard. I was practically begging the kids to acknowledge that I was still cool despite my request. Of course, this is impossible. You're either one or the other. But, she kept it down. And I never had a problem with her noise again. She moved out a few months later and another woman moved in and she seems to be pretty quiet, so things were looking good.

Enter Jazzy McGee, douchebag extraordinaire. A month or so ago, new resident(s?) arrived upstairs from me. There was the occasional heavy footed walking around after closing time. A little music here and there. Then about 2 weeks ago, Jazzy McGee is kicking the jazz with the heavy bass line on a Saturday afternoon. fair enough. Then Jazzy starts playing scales on his sax. ... hmmm, I wonder if this is going to become a regular affair. eh. no matter. I can deal on a Saturday afternoon. Nothing much for a week or so (vacation), then I start getting the booming bass jazz after midnight. Now, mind you, I like Jazz. But only when I can hear all five fucking instruments. Listening to hours of a jazz bassline reverberating your room (and ribcage) without the association to the other instruments is maddening. This goes on until 1:30 and then starts up again before I get up in the morning. But I deal, because I would prefer not to be That Guy, unless necessary. Now that my seal has been broken, I will be That Guy, if necessary. But only if necessary. Well, last night, I was pretty tired from the poor sleep the night before and I tried to go to sleep at 11:30 while the bassline was thumping. It was intermittant, shutting off, coming back on. Driving me crazy. So I decided to break out my That Guy side. Maybe he doesn't realize that it reverberates that much. It's just the bass. Maybe he'll turn down the bass. I went upstairs and lightly knocked on the door. Jazzy McGee opened the door a crack, with cell phone wedged between shoulder and ear and gave me the can-i-help-you head motion. "Hi, sorry to bother you. I'm your downstairs neighbor and I was wondering if you could turn your bass down a little. It really resonates loudly through the floor." Jazzy gave me the blank stare and the "uh ... yeah." so I said, "just the bass. [read: I'm hip daddio; I'm not harshin' your vibe on the whole tunage, just the bass, man.] thanks." He closed the door, and proceeded to not turn the bass down at all. Thump thump away inside the drum that is now my bedroom.

Eventually, I fell asleep, out of exhaustion.

But this morning, the 7 AM jazz session seemed to start with a lower bass level. I don't know if that means anything. Probably not when Jazzy McGee comes home from a night of smoking grass with the cats at the Club and feels like vibin'. I'll keep you posted.

8:45 PM update: Jazzy's jazzin' it up. I think I heard a "wooo!"

Tuesday, January 10, 2006

Fat Guy In a Little Batman Suit

an encore from yesterday's post:

Monday, January 09, 2006

odds, ends

Between paintings, a moment to blog. Let's do some quick hits on the major Von Trapper Keeper subject matters, shall we? In no particular order, I give you Employment, Humor, Sports, Odd Interactions, Music, Trivia, and Politics:

Employment: Well, I got an update on the Exit Strategy. The boss brought it to his boss and it looks like it's a Go. The exact date is uncertain but he said he doesn't see it going into March. Which I can deal with. ... Shark Hunter Guy shot me a dorsal fin mime today.

Humor: This from LC today, citing the blogger as my evil twin and referencing the time I puked in an outdoor hot tub full of horrified people on a New Years Eve in Michigan, exited the hot tub, threw my socks on the roof of the garage next to the hot tub (???), and walked a 1/4 mile in the 5 degree weather, in the snow, to my Dad's house. I'll never understand why I threw the socks up there. but I did. And I'll never understand why this old fat guy thought he could fit in a six year old's batman costume. but he did: Bad News Hughes. Oh, my god. I just looked at that photo montage again. I'm officially giving it my RF rating: Really Fantastic.

Sports: The NFL playoffs has been crap so far compared to the quality of games in the BCS. But the Steelers won and Jerome Bettis kept on cooking. And the Pats won, so we can listen to Brady spout more bullshit about how his dynasty is disrespected. And as long as Carolina doesn't win in Chicago, I'm still in good shape with my picks.

Odd Interactions: The Kids and I sent Max the Eco-warrior off to Cali with a goodbye dinner at Redbones (he paid) and a few pops at the Cellar (he didn't). Max could be the subject of an entire book, not just a post, so I won't try to cover it all here, but he let me in on his own fascinating Exit Strategy. He said that "like all people who live deliberately, [he's] planning on orchestrating his own end, eventually" and he's going to take out a massive life insurance policy, and then have a massive funeral, where everyone invited will receive a raffle ticket, and the winner is the beneficiary (who then gets stuck with the tab of the funeral). Brilliant.

Music: My new music obsession is Wolf Parade and their album "Apologies To The Queen Mary". It's like old Bowie filtered through early Modest Mouse, with a dash of Arcade Fire and maybe a pinch of New Pornographers. Not to pigeonhole or anything. Apparently, there are two song writers who have pretty different styles and create a nice balance, ala the Sebadoh dynamic or that Liverpool band ... forget the name.

Trivia: Well, I blew it big time this week at Trivia. With our team holding the lead going into the final questions, I insisted that the first ever PG-13 movie, which starred Matt Dillon, was "Red Dawn". I insisted. I ignored suggestions that it might be Flamingo Kid. Well, as it turns out, Red Dawn was the first movie to be released in theaters, but Flamingo Kid received the rating and then sat on the shelf for 5 months, while Red Dawn came out. Also, Matt Dillon was not actually in Red Dawn, as he was in Flamingo Kid. I must have been thinking of the five other cast members from the Outsiders that were in Red Dawn. But, that's not good enough. And I know that. I fucked up. And I'm sorry.

Politics: I was going to do the token Alito analysis, but I didn't have time to read up on the hearings. I had hoped for VTK to be a platform for political cartooning as well as all the other crap listed above, but I haven't really had the time. Hopefully, I'll do a more extensive post on Alito tomorrow, but for now, enjoy this sketch of his wavy head:

Thursday, January 05, 2006

Vince Young

Holy Shit. I'm not sure I've ever seen a performance like I just saw Vince Young pull off in the Rose Bowl to win the National Championship over the dominant USC. I hope you sports fans stayed up and watched it. The man completed 30 out of 40 passes for 267 yards, no interceptions, and ran for two fucking hundred yards on 20 carries, running in 3 touchdowns and a 2 point conversion. Fucking ridiculous. Just incredibly clutch. No one has talked more smack about Reggie Bush being the best player in college football than me, but I think Houston's got to give some serious thought to taking Vince # 1 after seeing a performance like that. And if they take Bush, see ya later Aaron Brooks, Vince is coming to N'Awlins!! Congrats, UT. Hook em Horns! I'm wearing my rusty orange velour track suit to work tomorrow.

[oh yeah, and Matt Leinart - the picture of class. After the game, he said "I still think we were the better team, but they made more plays in the end". Way to take the high road, jerk.]

Tuesday, January 03, 2006

two thou six

Happy New Year, Von Trapper Keepsakers. I rang the new one in with traditional gusto and panache: Random girl informs me it’s 3 minutes to midnight, she gives me a kiss on the cheek shortly after midnight, minutes later I make a move for a proper kiss, she yanks her head back and says she was just wishing me happy new year, I apologize, say happy new year, retreat to the bar, and proceed to pretend like it didn’t happen and ignore her, until my friends later tap me on the shoulder to unwittingly introduce me to the girl that had just shot me down. Ah yes. 2006. Best year ever!

Tight game in the Orange Bowl right now between Florida State and Penn State. One of my brushes with greatness happened in 2000 when I cooked breakfast for Penn State legendary coach Joe Paterno and Jake of Body by Jake fame. He (Joe Pa) declined to give his waiter an autograph for me. Asshole. And now he’s back in Florida. Cut em down, ‘Noles!

I checked out Screenhead’s yearly wrap-up. They couldn’t narrow it down to a Top Ten so they listed their top 70 pieces of the year. I went through about half of them, about half of those didn’t load, half of the remaining took forever to load, and half that did load quickly weren’t that funny. But I thought these 3 were worth a look:

The Cat That Had Hands from Zed Gallery.
The US of A According to my Racist Aunt from Tremble.com
• And a particularly relevant one for me: Robin’s Big Date (featuring Sam Rockwell as one of the major players) from Red-headed League