Spreading Spreading Santorum

What? What's this? A Lazarus sighting in the blogosphere? Is VTK back? No, sorry. VTK is pretty much dead and perhaps I'll do a proper eulogy at some point, but as I predicted somewheresometime down below, microblogging killed the radio star. I just post everything on Facebook and twitter now.

But. (or Butt, I should say.) I just want to do my part in keeping this link at or near the top of a "Rick Santorum" google search. Linking is loving, folks. So, that's done.

And like the wind ... vtk was gone again ...

@VTKountry - State of The Blogging

Looks like it's been nearly two months since I've written a legitimate blog post - one that wasn't a self- promoting repost from Obe Lincoln or a cop-out video post. No wonder my numbers are dwindling. That or maybe the blogosphere is just slipping into obsolescence with the rise of microblogging. I've done the twitter. I do the twitter. But I'm still not really grasping what it is that people love about it. Which is fine. I don't really "get" acrylics either. Why wouldn't you just use oils. But, whatever. Different strokes for different folks. Microblogging probably doesn't really appeal to me because I'm a rambler at heart and 140 characters is just not long enough for me. I understand how sometimes things require only brief mention and not a full blog post. For instance, today I was flipping through this month's Esquire magazine, which I get courtesy of my father's yearly Christmas subscription gift, and I noticed that a full page ad for viagra was opposite an article entitled "The Golden Age of American Meat". Kinda funny. A chuckle. A giggle. Maybe worthy of a brief mention to my efriends, but at 247 characters, it's nearly double the maximum character limit of a twitter tweet. Yet, it also might not be worthy of a whole blog post. If this were a three times daily blog it might fit, but for a 6.5 posts per month blog, it's less fitting. I think microblogging makes sense when it's part of a larger whole, like the facebook status update, or if it's a tool for people to get updates about the progress of a wildfire or something; but twitter on its own - for random webtainment or webformation - just doesn't do much for me. Or maybe I just need to get a cellphone and experience it that way. Maybe it's a side phenomenon of the texting world from which I've abstained. For now, it's back to old-school blogging for me. And it's about time for rusty old VTK. What'll it be, VTKountry? Sports? Politics? A mid-season LOST review? A frank discussion about how much Jimmy Fallon's new show sucks? How about some documentary recommendations? Alright, I'll be back in a bit with some doc recs. Stand by for my next bleet...


[UPDATE: I just microblogged about this blog about microblogging. But you already knew that. You've always known it. Eternal recurrence of the same?]

Lebowskifest 2008 - San Francisco

Your Venerable Typing Krafwerker is safely back on the East Coast after two great weeks in Northern California. I went to work on some art projects and hang out with friends MCSmackdown and AKBoognish, and let me tell you: it's good work if you can get it! What the fuck do I care about the market crashing? I live below the federal poverty level and I'm jetsetting (jetbluesetting (love that direct tv for 6 hours)) all over the country. The majority of the time was spent up in Napa working on the art projects, hanging with MCSmackdown and his heart-melting 4 year old daughter, and eating like a king from his garden, his 15 chickens' fresh eggs, his tasty wine, and his phenomenal cooking. (Also, the weather in Napa? It's like completely cloudy and 60 every morning (got up around 8), then completely "not-a-cloud-in-the-sky" blue sky and 85 by 10:30. Then clear starry nights and 55 by 10 PM. Every day was like that. Great climate this time of year.) Sandwiching my great and productive time up in Napa were a few nights in San Francisco with Mr. and Mrs. AKBoognish and friends, their hospitality and good times. I've been debating whether to blog about the art and shenanigans of the predominant Napa time or what I think you'll find most entertaining, what happened to be going down the weekend I flew out there: The San Francisco Lebowskifest.


I think it's a fairly safe assumption that most of the readership of this blog will have seen The Big Lebowski, the now cult classic Coen Brother's movie. Most of you can probably quote it like an old Monty Python movie at this stage. The Cult of the Dude is alive and well ten years in. In fact, it was alive and well four years after the movie came out, when the first Lebowskifest occurred in Louisville KY, and the Star-Trek-Conventiony, Rocky-Horror-Picture-Showy, White-Russian-soaked event has exploded over the last 5 years and is now staging fests all around the country. There is usually a movie viewing, bands, a bowling event, trivia, and costume contests. There are special celebrity guests from time to time (including one appearance from Jeff Bridges which he later called his "Beatles Moment"). A common "celebrity" is the original Dude, the inspiration for the character, Jeff "The Dude" Dowd. Just imagine the rock-star status he enjoys at these fests. Here he is, flanked by two of the Dudes we were hanging out with:


I got into San Francisco too late for the first night's concert/movie viewing, so we settled for the costume bowling party on the second night. We fashioned "Jesus" inspired bowling outfits out of some jumpsuits that AKBoognish had, met up with his friend (above left) who had a good "Dude" look going (complete with rug to tie the room together), mixed up 2 thermoses of white russian mix, and headed off to the alley. As we waited in line, we met some guys who were dressed up as Jackie Trehorn's party guests (complete with a blanket that they used to hoist up their full inflated and sexy blow up doll), some nihilists, and a top notch "dude" who said his name was "Dog" (above right). We ended up bowling with Dog and a couple other TBL enthusiasts (one who had an official "Achiever" t-shirt and one who had an official Tampa Bay Devil Rays jersey that had "The Dude" stitched on the back (this was no costume - he actually purchased this. I was impressed)). It was a great crew and both Dog and the Devil Rays Dude have their photosites/blogs linked to from the official Lebowskifest recap of the SF event.


The evening was general madness. There were two bars devoted strictly to serving white russians. The human body is not designed to have double digits of the caucasian cocktails. It's just not. (it's definitely not designed to have a few glasses of wine on top of that) But it was a blast. I don't have any of the AKBoognish photos or videos on my laptop, but here are some I culled from the websites linked from the main site. Be sure to check out the Devil Rays Dude's blog entry, which includes a video that has AKBoognish and I doing our Hotel California Bowling Ball shining impersonation.


yeah. And a few more I found online of us in our costumes:





and some other costumes that you might recognize:











and finally:


"You see? You see little Larry? This is what happens when you ..."

Don't make Madonna angry. You wouldn't like Madonna when she's angry.

HGH?

Super Sunday (not tuesday) Prediction

Pats. Pats are going to win. Come on.



But if you won't listen to me, maybe you'll listen to the three most qualified people on ESPN's celebrity picks list (they've certainly lived through enough Super Bowls):


MAMIE VAN DOREN - Legendary sex symbol

Patriots, 28-7. The New England Patriots are a cross between a symphony orchestra and a steam roller. Every player plays his part as they flatten their opponents.




PHYLLIS DILLER - Comedienne

Patriots, 30-10. A rout. I love routs.
















ADAM WEST - "Batman"

Patriots by 7 to 10 points. If Brady keeps his foot out of the mousetrap, he'll be able to pick apart the Giants' secondary.











Incidentally, even in my broke state, I'd probably pay upwards of $600 to have dinner with the three of them in a roundtable format where I get their opinions on an assortment of VTK relevant topics. They'd probably go for it. $200 a pop plus I pick up the dinner tab, which considering I doubt they have teeth won't be too high. Though the cocktail tab might be hefty - all three strike me as martini drinkers. So that's like $400 for dinner and drinks. And the roundtrip ticket to LA where I'm sure they all live. What's that? $500? No hotel. Either BrianinLA will put me up or I'll sleep on the Boulevard of Broken Dreams. That's $1500. If the VTK Community can raise that money, I'll make it happen. That's a fact, jack. Please submit your donation amounts and any questions you'd like me to ask them.

Go Pats! Or Giants. Whatever. I'm honestly more concerned about West Ham's away match at Wigan tomorrow. Classic trap game.

Blove - Round 6

Seems like we fast forwarded a bit on this reality blog show, doesn't it? Round 6 already? Regardless, the important point is that I'm still in the game. Here are the latest results. As you can see, I survived, but didn't garner any special mention. I may have to start coming at this thing from a different angle...




I'll come up with something. Anyways, all this blog reality stuff got me to thinking about my all-time top ten reality show list. Here goes:

10. Sorority House - straight up voyeurism on catty 21 year old hotties.
9. The Littlest Groom - politically incorrect? maybe. hilarious? definitely. Especially when they introduced the curveball of the "regular" sized chicks to try to entice the littlest groom away from the little prospective brides.
8. The Apprentice – seasons 1 and 2 - The first two seasons of this show actually knocked the mighty Survivor off its previously unassailable perch. Unabashed capitalism at its finest.
7. Joe Millionaire – season 1 only - I loved the scam on all the money grubbing harlets. Also, I saw Joe Millionaire in Boston the week after the finale aired and he looked all urban outfitter and cracked out at 8 AM on a weekday. He shot me a look like "yeah, it's me. now fuck off." What a clown.
6. Flavor of Love – both seasons - Too much great stuff to write in a couple of sentences. One of the greatest moments in reality tv came in season one, where Pumkin spit in New York's face. fantastic. One of the most confusing and shocking moments came in season two, when a contestant actually shit herself and the floor during an elimination ceremony. That's beyond reality.
5. The Real World MTV – first 4 seasons - The original. Got America hooked on televised voyeurism.
4. The Contender – season 1 only - ranked too high? Maybe. But there's something to be said for the fact that at the end of this particular reality show, two contestants beat the crap out of eachother and literally put their careers on the line (the bouts went on their professional records). That's hardcore. And if that's not hardcore enough for you, one of the boxers killed himself after losing and blowing his chance to get his family out of the hood. That would be reality right there. Also, Sly Stallone and Sugar Ray Leonard took unintentional comedy to an entirely new level. Sly wasn't in the sequels and they changed the format, which made it much less entertaining.
3. Survivor – the first 6 or 7 seasons - Survivor really launched reality tv as we know it. It was a revelation in strategic entertainment with interesting twists, locations, bathing suits and cinematography. It took a long time for this show to get old.
2. Beauty and the Geek – season 1 - Must be pretty good to trump the mighty Survivor, eh? Pretty good? check. Beauty and the Geek was non-stop parody and hilarity. On the heels of scores of dating competition shows, BatG convinced a collection of hotties that they were going to be on a show of this type and convinced a collection of socially awkward dorky guys that they would be on some other type of show. When they brought them together, it was pure magic. The girls were dumb. The guys were nerdy. Nearly every person in America could laugh at one or the other. But in the end, they all figured out, and we too figured out, that each one of us is a beauty, and a geek, and an athlete, and a basketcase, and a criminal. Does that answer your question? Sincerely yours, Ashton Kutcher.
1. Man vs Beast - as previously documented. "The giraffe does not seem to realize that it's in a race!"

postscript: Many quality shows didn't make the cut. I hear Top Chef is great, but I've never watched it, so I can't include it in my personal list. Amazing Race is also highly acclaimed, but I've always thought it was incredibly lame that Americans are frantically running around the world yelling at people in their home countries. It's like exploiting people for our own amusement or something. Big Brother and Road Rules pretty much sucked. What else is there -- Holy Shit, there have been a lot of reality tv shows. Feel free to peruse and make your own lists.

Top Ten High School Movies of All Time

I was watching American Graffiti last night and I was wondering where it would fit in to my Top Ten High School Movies list. Fuge over at the Duffless Foundation just did a tribute to the 20 year anniversary of the drop of Appetite for Destruction, calling it the best album of his lifetime, which prompted me to request the Top 10 albums of his lifetime list(and the Top 10 of his music conscious lifetime 10 yrs old give or take). I made my own lists in the comments, which reminded me how tough these lists are. Unless you cop out and include an honorable mention list, you are dissing from several to dozens of qualified candidates depending on the list content. My albums list had 25 teams tied for 11th which I had to leave off. I have fewer tied for 11th on the High School Movies list, but there are several worthy candidates that got bumped. So here goes:

10. Wildcats
9. Just One of the Guys
8. Pretty in Pink
7. Pump Up The Volume
6. Dazed and Confused
5. Three O'Clock High
4. Fast Times At Ridgemont High
3. Ferris Bueller's Day Off
2. American Graffiti
1. Breakfast Club

(Also, fuck Blogger and fuck YouTube. I spent about two hours picking clips and funny remakes done on each of these and they totally hosed me when I went to publish the post. So I redid it and they hosed me again. Is there a limit on how many embedded videos you can have on one post?)

From Vietnam to Paris

Could this possibly be true? I can't believe this is true, I really can't, but blogalistic integrity be damned - I'm passing it along. In a moment of mind blowing, historical, pop cultural surreality, it appears that the guy who took the soon to be famous pictures of Paris Hilton being sent back to jail (after her bullshit early release on grounds of mental fragility and potential impending nervous breakdown) in tears, is the same man who took the iconic photo of the girl in Vietnam - Nick Ut. I mean, this couldn't be true, could it? Sourced from Gawker.com who got it from Jezebel.com who got it from andrewsullivan.theatlantic.com, as in The Atlantic Magazine. Gawker and Jezebel, eh? But the Atlantic? That's kind of a legit source, no? How about the Associated Press? "AP photo/Nick Ut"





As I've said before, I shy away from posting about the celebutante phenomenon here on VTK, not wanting to propagate it, but hey, it exists. It's hold on the culture of the world's dominant empire is undeniable. I'm not even ready to explore the metaphorical ramifications of this. I'm just going to let it settle in for a bit.

update from Gawker: "For those interested in coincidences, the pictures were taken one day shy of 35 years apart."

Man vs Beast

Here are the other competitions from the Man vs Beast reality show (Kobayashi vs the bear is in the last post).

Sumo wrestler in a tug of war with an orangutan:



Olympic sprinter racing a giraffe and a zebra:



And of course, 30 little people against an elephant in a race to pull a jet across the finish line:

First of the Month

In honor of the first of the month, The Legend of the Rent:

American Idolatry

God help me. Again, I find myself in a blogging ethics dilemma, weighing my obligation to cover VTK newsworthy information with my desire not to fall into negative media pitfalls, to avoid tabloidism. Tabloidism is, of course, entertaining, but it has, of course, detrimental consequences to society. How many times did I whip up a post revolving around skeletal pictures of Nicole Richie with a title along the lines of “One, Two, Three Pounds Of Lady”? Many. But I want to encourage neither eating disorders nor the proliferation of celebutantism. So I scrapped them all. But pop culture/entertainment is an important part of VTK.
Sure, it’s not as high brow as the art posts, as morally righteous as the political posts, as blow-hard as the crackpot posts, as savory as the recipe posts, as hilarious as the alcohol-fueled hijinx posts, or as sporty as the sports posts. But it has its place. And I have a job to do, goddamnit. And I have been a bit remiss in my duties here. Ever since I jumped on the Su Doku bandwagon, really.

Today’s predicament is with some content related to American Idol - a show that is problematic in and of itself. On the one hand, it is reality TV and therefore is inherently good. On the other, its popularity is derived from catering to the American public’s sadistic desire to watch people get humiliated and demeaned. Yes, there are some redemptive stories and some high quality singing mixed in there, but they are largely camouflage for the real ratings draw – the exploitation of the delusions, the failings, and the insecurities of hopeful young adults between the ages of 16 and 30. Some of the humiliated, aren't really because they're doing it as a joke. Some of them end up making money off their horrendous performances. But you have to feel for the kids who really thought they had a chance and got torn to shreds in the process of losing their dreams. I guess all but a few knew what they were signing up for. It's still a little sad, though.

But, in the end, it is reality TV, and as such, I will watch it as soon as I will breathe and eat. And so, I give you the myspace pages of this year’s contestants, brought to you by deathbycamera.com, tipped to me by the guiltiest of guilty pleasures, thesuperficial.com. If you’re going to be guilty, might as well be real guilty.