Friday, January 13, 2006

Take this job and SHOVE IT!

"IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII ain't workin here no more. .. You better not try to stand in my way, as I'm a walkin' out that door. Take this job and shove it, I ain't workin' here no more." - David Allen Coe

oh kids. this is it. I got the call. The coup. The scam. The exit strategy. The boss gave me "the good new and the bad news" yesterday. He said "I'm going to have to let you go." I said, "what's the bad news?"

My dad once told his friend, Alpha Philly Joe, that I shit gold. I took that as an insult at the time because he was trying to talk tough to Tough Guy Joe and because I thought he was ignoring my effort in the way in which I've navigated my life. But, now I'm reconsidering. I mean, I was going to quit. I was walking out the goddamn door. [official recognition of the moment of hubris] And then I float the hypothetical. And then I'm gettin' laid off. Fantastic. Apparently, I got moved into the group that is full of middle managers that are in a holding pattern and are going to get the can if they don't apply for a new job and get it. (being called the 76ers because they were listed on page 76 of the ReOrg PowerPoint chart. more like 86ers! Am I right ? Am I right?) There's going to be a job fair and as long as I don't apply for a job, the sever package is a lock. I'm just hoping I can not apply for a job. Obviously, I have no desire to apply for a job, but it's like when that subway car is flying towards you on the crowded platform or when you're zipping down the highway at 80 mph between two semis, and you're like don't do it dont' do it don't do it and of course you don't have any desire to do it, but it's weirdly tempting because of the fact that the smallest of muscular movements could just end it all ... I think I may have wandered off the subject. Point being: so close ... just go to work every day, Dan. don't tell anyone off. let it go. take it easy. you can do this. don't move, Dan, don't move...


Anonymous said...

Congratulations on getting shitcanned!

- John

Dan said...


didn't I see that behind the goalposts in Indianapolis?