Monday, November 28, 2005

Return of the Shark Hunter Guy

(title sung to the tune of Return of the Mac - and holy shit, when I clicked on this link it said "last viewed: never. total views: one." You're welcome, Mark Morrison. I remember you.)

anyways, Return of the Shark Hunter Guy:

[setting: bathroom at work]

SHG: “So, did you have your traditional shark feast for Thanksgiving?”

SH: “No, nope. You?”

SHG: “Oh yeah. Complete with shark giblet sauce.”

[SH exits bathroom.]

Another fine Monday at the Fido. I’ve got one of those tiny little bubble blisters on my eyelid that’s been scratching my cornea all day. Every time I blink. So, that’s keeping things interesting. I don’t know if I have anything to say right now, but the Binghamton chapter of the Von Trapper Keeper Fan Club has requested more frequent entries, so I’ll oblige. A blog is nothing without its readership. To ensure that the posting remains interesting and that I'm paying adequate attention to my loyal readership, I’m working on an algorithm to determine the perfect blog balance. You will know that it has been implemented when you find yourself neither bored nor wanting in your perusal of my posts. Could be a while, so hang in there, kitty.

ahhh. priceless. And that's why you love this blog. Because I took the five minutes to image google "hang in there kitty poster" and look through the links. Alls I know, is somebody betta be gettin me one of these for Christmas.

And lastly, while googling "hang in there kitty poster", I came across this link to an article titled, Snoop to Arnold: Let My Tookie Go. Now, this is not the forum for a discussion on Stanley Tookie's death sentence, but I just want to say, wasn't Snoop a Crip? Doesn't he lose a little bit of credibility here because of that fact? Would he ever go to bat for a Blood?

(the HITK reference came from an earlier defamer entry's quote of Carina Chocano: “Rent is commodified faux bohemia on a platter, eliciting the same kind of numbing soul-sadness as children’s beauty pageants, tiny dogs in expensive boots, Mahatma Gandhi in Apple ads. It’s about art, activism and counterculture in the same way that a poster of a kitten hanging from a tree branch (“Hang in There!”) is about commitment and heroic perseverance.” meOW!!)


Anonymous said...

Thank you, Von Trapper Keeper! From your loyal readership in Binghamton.

Sean said...

Sorry to hijack your blog, but I'd really like to point out something that's bothering me at the moment.

Almost daily, the Vatican makes another announcement regarding it's stance about homosexual priests, meanwhile the Pope is prancing around in red Prada loafers.

Can you say, "Mixed message," boys and girls?

Dan said...

perhaps he's just being "terrorist chic".

Sean said...


lc said...

tookie founded the crips. not the bloods. duh.

Dan said...

I ... think that was my ... point.

lc said...

i read it a number of times because i didn't think you would miss that. now I get it. regretting that duh now.

Dan said...

no duh retraction necessary. I'm sure it applies to something else I said at some point. While we're on the subject of the Crips and the Bloods, the Colors, the Red and the Blue, I'm reminded of Pittsfield's own little gang warfare period back in 1992. I was at UMass at the time, but apparently two gangs formed that used to tussle down near Palmer's Variety Store: UNLV (Red) and DUKE (blue), named after the two best college basketball teams of the time. UNLV stood for "Us Niggers Love Violence"; DUKE stood for "Drug Users Kill Everyone". As far as I know, no one was killed (well, not down near Palmers anyways). I think it was just big brawls, Outsiders style, where kids just beat the crap out of eachother. Hate to see that kind of violence around your local candy store (3 blocks from the house). Palmers, where my brother learned a lesson in economics early on by price gouging me. He'd buy a bag of swedish fish for a penny a piece and then, after walking the bag all three blocks back to the house, he'd charge me 25 cents a piece. That's some serious appreciation. And I didn't appreciate it. But I did buy the candy. Because I was lazy. And needed sugar to combat my laziness.