As a general rule, I despise the Ringtone Revolution. I don't want to hear your atonal approximation of Belle and Sebastian's latest single everytime you get a text message. And as much as I love to groove to Mark Morrison's Return of the Mac (that's my jam right there), I don't want to hear it beeping out of your pocket. And the only place I want to hear Dark Side of the Moon is blaring out of a jukebox in a dive bar - not from your cell in the grocery store line. Of course, I don't even have a cellphone so maybe I'm just a luddite with cellphone envy lashing out at what I can't have. But I don't think so. It's fucking annoying. How about we go back to a normal, decent sounding telephone ring?
Clearly, that's not going to happen. Ringtones appear to be here to stay. So, as an alternative, I'd like to suggest that you give the Ash Breasted Tit Tyrant a shot. Or perhaps you're more of a Rio Grande Leopard Frog type of person. Or maybe you want to represent H-Town with some Houston Toad action. H-Town BITCHES!! I would even suggest a Bare Shanked Screech Owl for some of my readers. Fortunately, our friends at the Center For Biological Diversity have made that possible through their new website, rareearthtones.com. If you're going to annoy me, the least you could do is raise awareness about endangered species while you do it. Get yourself some Orca action. Me? I'm holding out for the Arroyo Toad, the toad that Supreme Court Chief Justice Roberts famously called "hapless" in his efforts to undermine the Endangered Species Act and limit the reach of the Interstate Commerce Clause. Of course, first I'd have to get a cellphone.