Friday, September 01, 2006

oh Poison.

Those of you who don't bother to read the comments sections of the VTK posts are missing out. This gem from longtime VTK reader and Poison fan, Kristin:

HOLY CRAP - Do I have a story about being old.

Picture this: Yesterday. 3pm. San Juan Airport. I was there with 12 of my co-workers (ages 23 - 30) and who should walk by but none other than CeCe Deville from Poison.

ME: hey guys...I think that was the guy from Poison

Young Co-workers: What's Poison ... Poison? you got Poisoned?

ME: No - like "Poison" the band.

YC's: Blank stares

I forget about it and think it's probably not the real CeCe Deville. It's probably just some shriveled Puerto Rican 90's rock enthusiast...because, honestly would the real CeCe Deville dress like it was 1993 and he was still the toast of the town?

So later on, I see him again...only closer this time and it's definitely him AND this time, he's with Brett Michaels, who is also dressed like he just left the video shoot for "Unskinny Bop"...So, sadly I have no ability to control the volume of my voice...especially after a 3 day alcohol soaked bender in the Dominican Republic and I scream "Oh my God Brett Micheals!!" - More in shock over my own ability to identify these people than the actual thrill of seeing them in person ...and he turns around and you can just see the sheer thrill on his face that someone actually recognized him and he didn't wake up this morning and squeeze himself into his tight white jeans for nothing.

Brett Micheals: "hey!"

Me: HEY BRETT MICHAELS!! (again only even more over excited)

ME and Brett Michaels stare at each other in the airport - not really knowing what to say. I don't really want to have the STAR/FAN moment with him because he looks like such a tool - so as he's walking away, I blurt out..."Remember when I fucked you in 95?"....and he turns around a again and I yell "just kidding"

Young CO-Workers: Staring blankly in confusion and disbelief.

One of YC's: Did you really fuck that guy?

Other than Allan, who is 30, not one of them knew who Poison was...but they knew "Every Rose Has it's Thorn" probably as a Karoke song. I'm so old.


Duffless said...

When I lived in LA we won free tickets to a show/party from a local metal station. The entire band Poison was there, as guests walking around. They worked the room as a pack, a short short pack, I swear not a one of them was over 5'6. The young hotties paid them no attention, but they were being stalked by the local cougars! Classic.

We also saw Paul Stanley, who while made up for the height factor and didn't need to scour the room for poontang.

Dan said...

Paul Stanley was made for loving you, baby. Were you made for loving him?

Kristin said...

Are you callin' me a cougar? But you're right, the Poison boys are VERY short and painfully skinny. I think if I were prowling around a rock star party looking for celeb ass I'd probably go with RATT or Skid Row before I chose Poison. I think Sebastian Bach is tall.

Dan said...

you aren't quite a cougar yet, but you ain't the youth gone wild anymore either.

countdown on Kristin entering Cougardom is at 8 years.

Kristin Cougar Brenna said...

39 is cougardom? I was about to be angry...but I guess you're right.

Dan said...

you're in solid pre-coug territory right now.

Duffless said...

Kristin, no offense, I think I offically hit cougar age this year. While I won't be banging Poison or Paul Stanley anytime soon, I think I will set my claws on the drummer from Def Leppard. I have a feeling he will leave me sexually fufilled and with a great story. And he's very polite, have you seen his Behind the Music, when he asks the nice couple who stumbled upon his accident,(in a thoughtful british accent) "Pardon me Mr. and Mrs. do you mind finding my arm in the wreckage, I'm a wicked famous drummer and I'll be needing that."

Anonymous said...

oh my god.....I love Poison they are my all time fave band....I wished I could've been there to say that...You are so lucky....

Dan said...

anonymous = Pittsfield. c'mon. Say it loud - you're a Poison freak and you're proud!

Dan said...

I'm reminded of an old joke:

What's the best thing about sleeping with the drummer from Def Leppard?

He's not going to try to double fist you while you're sleeping.

ba dump bump psshhhh!

(too far? over the line?)

Duffless said...

Puts right and left arms in the air above head, makes a grabbing motion with both hands, pulls down and pulls head up above hands, looks around slowly to the left and then back to the right, lifts arms back up and removes head.

No, not too far.

When are the next 2$ beers!

Dan said...

possible $3 beer consumption tomorrow night at the Middle East. I'm setting up my show tomorrow morning and might want to sit at the bar and criticize myself over a few High Lives tomorrow evening (official "reception" is on the 16th).

Duffless said...

Cool, keep me posted and congrats.

Maybe Vixen will show up at your show and you can get lucky.

Anonymous said...

Kristin Cougar Brenna, you ruined it when you added the "Just Kidding" part....Poison 4-EVA

Dan said...

Vixen? who's Vixen? Is she a stripper? a hooker? Is she a she?

and "anonymous", you're getting a little creepy. like middle of the night double fisting creepy.

Dan said...

ohhh, Vixen. Diane Lane's rock band?

Jules said...

The thing is, age is irrelevant in Kristin's case (sorry hon). When you begin your story from an international booze binge with a dozen colleagues, and you go on Spring Break a couple-few times a year, you're a cougar. But hey, talk dirty to me.

From your Binghamton NY readership.

Dan said...

Kristin's new nickname: Cougie Howser

Kristin said...

Dearest Bing Readership,

Don't hate the cougar, hate the game.

Cougie Howser

Jules said...

Baby, the Game loves You!