The Super Depressing NBA Playoffs Preview

Alright. It's just basketball. "Super Depressing" is relative. But I'm still wearing green shoelaces in my Stan Smiths to celebrate last year's championship. So I'm sticking with "Super Depressing". We'll have to use a different adverb for things that are really really super depressing. "Superer Depressing"?

Wednesday night, I was thinking about this post and how I was going to break down the Finals against the Lakers. I was hoping that it wasn't going to be a repeat of the 1987 title defense. I was confident of a 5 game beatdown of the Chicago No Defenses, an impressive 6 game series win over the Orlando Paper Tigers, and a hard fought series-for-the-ages 6 game squeaker over the Cleveland LeBrons.

Thursday morning: KG's out for the playoffs. Fuck.


Eastern Conference Preview

1 Cavs v 8 De Troit Bas Ket Ball - Cavs in a sweep. Detroit wasn't going to do anything this year with Chauncey Billups. They'll do less without him. I've always been an Iverson fan and have never been a Pistons fan. It's over for both.

2 C's v 7 Bulls - C's in 5. I don't want to hear it. Chicago is not going to score at will against the Celtics' playoff D. KG or no KG. They'll gut out one win.

3 Paper Tigers v Six Sixers - O in 5. Dwight Howard's a force. Several other Orlando players can shoot three pointers. Philly is scrappy and has traces of talent here and there. The last three sentences will be completely irrelevant after Orlando wins this series.

4 Atlanta Hacks v 5 Miami Dwayne Wade - I love this series. I joke about the Hawks being hacks. They're chock full of grit, talent, and heart. Nothing but respect for these guys. Dwayne Wade is a monster talent playing at the peak of monsternosity. He'll win 3 but home court advantage gets the ATL the WIN. Sorry, NBA fans. No Wade v Lebron.


Eastern Conference Semifinals

1 Cavs v 4 Hawks - I watched a great Hawks-Cavs game this year in which the birds got jobbed by the refs on a LeBron go-ahead basket in the final seconds... and then jobbed by a Joe Johnson last second miss. That's your preview. Add in Cleveland's home court start and 3 games worth of rest, and the Cavs will sweep the Hawks.

2 The World Champion Boston Celtics v 3 The Orlando Magic Kingdom Make Believe Contenders - KG's absence will hurt them in this series, but I'm still not buying what Orlando's selling. Don't be fooled by power rankings or those meaningless last 2 wins by Orlando in the season series. The Celtics are better. But without KG, this might go 7. I'll say 7.

Eastern Conference Finals

Fuck. This sucks. The Cavs really needed to get a karmic adjustment for their regular season hubrisistic celebrations during their victory over the Celtics last week. A healthy KG would have been enough - barely. But now, I just don't see it. I think the C's will make a series out of it, but the Cavs' rest and their home court advantage will likely be enough. And LeBron, which I think is French for The Candy. He's good. Cleveland in 7.

Western Conference Preview

Ah, who fucking cares. Lakers are going to win. They'll beat the Jazz in Round 1, they'll beat Portland or Houston in Round 2, and they'll beat Denver, New Orleans, San Antonio, or Dallas in the Conference Finals. Those other series should be entertaining, but the Lakers will be playing the Cavs in the Finals.


The NBA Finals

I think it's going to be the Cavs. I wouldn't bet a lot on it, but that's my call. The Lakers are great, but LeBron, home court advantage, and that Eastern Conference defense are a little bit greater. Cleveland in 6.

But who cares.








UPDATE

Damn it. He's pulling me back in. I was out and he's pulling me back in. 1% chance that he's coming back ...