Thursday, January 17, 2008

VTK Midlife Crisis?

Is that the chief scribe of the venerable VTK wearing a 7 year old Mooney Suzuki shirt in the bathroom with a freshly shaved mohawk and a Narragansett in the background a scant 8 days before his 35th birthday and the absolute end to any pretense that he's not in his mid thirties? Well, um, yes, I guess. Sounds like a textbook midlife crisis, doesn't it. Not so, in this case. For the unlikely story, read on:

A high school friend and Pittsfield Generals soccer teammate of mine is getting married in a couple months and is having his bachelor party this weekend. Whiskey and strip clubs? Waking up in Vegas to your roommate banging a hooker in the bathroom? Football game and pub crawl at the alma mater? Nay. This old friend isn't into that sort of debauchery and derilection. Instead, we're headed to Camp Thunderbird outside of Charlotte, NC, for a two day competition of physical and mental endurance tests. The marquee event will be an olympic style hammer throw competition (see video below). In addition to that, there will be several other events (all of which are top secret), opening and closing ceremonies, and "bunks" for us to sleep on in cabins. Also, fyi, it's January.

So, in order to maximize my intimidation factor, I decided to take advantage of my self-employment and topped of my 220 lbs. with a mohawk. And let me tell you, VTKids, nothing says punk rock like a salt and pepper mohawk with a balding spot on the turn from the top to the back. Balding!?!? what!? Thinning, maybe. Balding, no! As for the Mooney Suzuki shirt and the 'gannsett, what can I say. It's a great shirt (tarantula with a human skull on it) and I'm broke.

But in any case, I'm feeling strong for the big weekend. I'm just hoping that the hammer throw is the last event, so that I can make it through the rest of the events before severely fucking up my shoulders:


Jeannette said...

You probably have to wear a hat when you leave the house in this weather, anyway.

Dearest Cupcake said...

Maybe you could wear one of these in the cold weather:

I think we can all agree, the interpretation of a knitted mohawk hat as "punk rock" is out of bounds.

You look impressively hooliganish.

Dan said...

Paying $175 for a hat. Now that is punk rock.

KB said...

OMG - please take lots of pics. Does the groom live in NC or does he just want to have his weird male competition thing far from the curious eyes of friends, family, and local authorities? PS: I love the mohawk!!

Joel said...

Nice Mohawk Dan, you look like a thrity something bartender at the late great CBGB's


akboognish said...

How come that guy went through all the trouble to make the YouTube video but barely included any of the results? All he's got are the athletes spinning around. I would have liked to see how they all did.

And is one of those guys names really Annus?

I agree with the bartender comment even though I've never been to CBGB's. Plenty of folks your age are holding onto that look here in SF, too.

Dan said...

No, the groom lives in NYC actually, and I don't really understand why we had to got to NC for this.

I will say that I am incredibly sore. incredibly incredibly sore.

more later.

Michael5000 said...

Damn, why didn't I think of a festival of games of skill and endurance for a bachelor party? Great concept.


KB said...

oh please! For those of us watching clocks in offices all over the country - please drag your sore body up to your lap top and get the updates posted ASAP. I'm at the edge of my seat.

Trivia this week?

Dewy24 said...

it is well documented that a crazy haircut improves athletic performance. i've always thought that ronaldo's insane do in the 2002 world cup propelled brazil to victory. if you take away your art-schooly glasses i'd say you are ready for a mixed martial arts career.

Dan said...

also to wit: Dennis Rodman.

48 hours after closing ceremonies, I can now move my arms. I'll get started on a recap post.

Joel said...


Do you think the Giant's will upset NE?


Dan said...


I don't think so, but they've been playing well, so it's possible. I'd bet they cover the spread but not pry the Lombardi from Big Bill's mitts.


KB said...

Dude - Friday you're turning 40! What's the plan?!!


PS: Get that post up! The anticipation is killing me